My A HA! moment.

Today, as Lindsey so perfectly put it, I saw the light. The dating light that is.

I am always giving my friends advice on guys. Whether they ask for it or not, want it or not, appreciate it or not. Sure they get frustrated with me and don't want to believe it most of the time, but for the most part, I end up being right. I'm not trying to brag. It's the opposite actually. It just means that I've seen so many of my friends be in relationships while I stood by the side, single. You get a much clearer view from the outside when you are not dating anyone. You don't relate to them being in love and gushy. Sure, my advice is harsh for the most part, but it comes from experience of seeing it. The rest of it comes from my own shitty little library of relationships.

The bottom line is this; I tell my friends this junk because I love them, and I think they deserve the best. They are beautiful and deserve to be respected. I do not see how they want to be with guys that treat them like they aren't. I just assume there are plenty of other guys they could get. Ones that appreciate them as much as I do. I'm also a firm believer in the book and movie, "He's Just Not That Into You". Painful, but oh so legit.

But when it comes to my own relationships, I'm a train wreck. I don't follow any of my rules, and I have no idea what to do. I do all the things you are not supost to do when pursuing someone, and then when I get hurt, I keep going back for more. I'm the worst of my friends at this stuff.

Today I realized why. I never listen to my advice to others, because I didn't think I deserved it. I didn't think I deserved respect like my friends do. You may think this is silly, but I thought rules didn't apply to me. That I am the unlikeable friend who just has to take what she gets. Then I realized that I do deserve it. I deserve what my friends deserve. I am allowed to be confident and decide when enough is enough. Enough bullshit, enough lies, enough of them hitting on my friends, enough boys that are taken/kind of single/ we're just talking/ borderline. I deserve to have a guy all to myself. I shouldn't have to share, or worry about him liking other girls. I don't need them. At all. I have friends, I don't need someone to stroke my ego and build me up.

So today I stop letting boy's opinions influence my opinion of myself. And I'm ready to give myself the same treatment that I give my friends. And I'm excited.

Above is a scene from Sydni's birthday party last weekend. I had a great time with all of my favorite people. I'm glad all our different types of friends came together to celebrate with our Syd. <3